🌞 Should I Pack the AED?

When it’s summertime in Northern Michigan (I know—you’re singing the song now), and we start thinking about a family vacation, the first thing on most people’s minds is probably sunscreen or swimsuits.

But mine?

“Should I pack the AED?”

I know that sounds crazy.
But it’s not a joke—it’s one of the thoughts that now lives rent-free in my brain.

Since Joe’s second full cardiac arrest, this is our reality. And no, I don’t think it’s normal to plan around defibrillators instead of dinners out. But when your life’s been turned upside down by trauma, what’s “normal” changes.

I’m pretty sure I can chalk it up to a little PTSD after what we’ve been through the last few years.

But here’s the part I’m working on:
Not feeling embarrassed by it.

Not ashamed that my brain double-checks if he’s still breathing during a nap.
That I hesitate to leave him alone with our daughter—not because I don’t trust her, but because I’ve already seen what happens in the blink of an eye.
That I carry fear right alongside love.

And still—we move forward.

I’m committed to working through the fog.
To not letting it keep me from seeing the joy on the other side.
To letting summer be summer again, even if it comes with caution tape wrapped around my heart.

So, as we sit in the warm breeze and sunshine of a Michigan summer, laughing, grilling, planning…

Should I pack the AED?
Yeah. I just might.

Because that’s what life in the real lane looks like now. And it’s not weak—it’s warrior-level love.